We Really Should Know Better...

Who is stupid enough to take a 3 and 1 year old out to eat?

**raising my hand, and pointing at The Daddy**

This evening was riddled with glaring red warning flags that we completely ignored and pretended weren't there...

I noticed that during our earlier trip to the store, Weston had entered that age where you have to walk squarely down the middle of the isle, to ensure that you keep both shelves out of reach of the little one that wants to pull everything down.

Emily came home from school happy, but clearly tired. After all, she's been awake since 0630 and more than likely did not take a nap.

Alas, grocery day is overdue, so we headed out. 

I'm not going to give a play by play of the meal, but I will hit the highlights...

• Weston shredded and tried to eat every napkin in grasp
• Emily spilled her drink all over the floor
• Weston literally covered himself from head to knees in mac&cheese, as well as my left arm
• Emily wanted to go to the bathroom every ten minutes

And no family outing is complete without an angelic faced child loudly declaring that "I NEED TO POOP!!" at the dinner table. 

Oh you think that's funny? Well, my little girl raised the bar...

On one of trips to the crowded, tiny restroom, I'm staring at her sitting on the toilet, drunk with power that she can legitimately get up from the dinner table to go exploring to the bathroom. When I tried to threaten that power, and get her off of the toilet since it was clear that this was a false alarm, she freaked and when I tried to calm her down and brush the hair out of her eyes, she angrily screamed 

"YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME LIKE THAT!!"

Seriously?!

We eventually made it out, without the cops being called on me...with shredded napkins, food bits covering the table and a cup's worth of wetness all over the floor. 

Now I know why there is something called "Mother's Little Helper".
Never again...